Monday, January 02, 2006

Reflections from a darkened McDonalds

I’m not sure what the first sign of addiction is or how I missed it. In fact, I’m so far gone I don’t even see the signs. Until yesterday. I went to McDonalds to write. Weird, I know! When I have a Starbucks, a Panera, and quaint little coffee shops, how do I end up at McDonalds?

Diet Coke.

It’s all about the Diet Coke. I love it. Seriously. From the first tart taste to the bubbles sliding down my throat, I’m totally addicted. So yesterday, I’m at McDonalds and the lights go out. Yep. A little creepy. In McDonalds. In the dark. And all I can think is… I wonder if the soda machine is still working.

I think I’ve lost my mind. It’s Diet Coke.

I went to McDonalds to reflect on last year. To write about what I’m hoping for this year. And yes, as always, it includes a Diet Coke. But it’s so much more.

1) I’m learning to be brave. Not because I can trust in me, but because I can trust in God. He has good plans for me. I don’t say that lightly, because I have all I want. I say it because it’s true.
Things I want, but might never get…
My little girl from Guatemala
My little Pete to read
A book Contract
Speaking Engagements

2) I’m learning to love. Not because everyone is giving me what I want, but despite it. I’ve spent the past eleven years using my husband and calling it love. If I do the dishes and take care of his clothes, he’ll…No more! Jesus gave up all rights of being God and came to serve. How can I claim to be His and not have the same attitude?

3) I’m learning to live in the grace that is mine in Christ. Am I going to get all of this right? Are you kidding? I’ll probably screw it up the minute I get up from my chair. But God’s good favor is not dependent on my behavior. I’m totally messed up. But I’m hanging onto the cross until I get splinters crying “I’m Yours. Save me.”

So, yep, God brought all of this up, while I sat in the dark at McDonalds—obsessing over a Diet Coke. I need a real passion. An addiction that matters. He reminded me of a song. I think it will be an anthem for me this year. My prayer…

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me one magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life.
To know and follow hard after you.

To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in the truth.
This world is empty pale and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on that I might run after you
Lead me on that I might run after you.